What I would go back and tell myself

Making the decision to adopt a child with a cognitive disability was not an easy thing for me. Sure, we jumped right in when we had our answer that it was right. But I have to be honest. I had some serious turmoil going on. There were days when I thought I would crawl right out of my skin with anxiety. I think it's pretty close to what any expectant mother feels when she finds out that the child she's carrying will have a disability.

My heart told me that Anya was meant to be our daughter and that God would take care of us and make us equal to the calling no matter what.

But my head? Oh boy, it told me a whole lot of other stuff. I was so afraid of the unknown. You name it, I worried about it. All that anxiety disappeared after about six months, when we met our girl. But those were some awful months leading up to that day.

I sure wish I knew then what I know now. If I could go back to that time, these are the things I would tell myself:

Your everyday life won't be that different. In fact, it will be about the same.

After you all adjust, she'll feel like one of the family.

She's going to change your perspective about many things.

People won't stare at you when you're out in public.

The other kids will adore her and want to show her off any chance they get.

You'll learn how to lean on your Savior. Especially when you make mistakes.

She will blossom, no matter how much of a slacker you are.

She will meet all her IEP goals in Kindergarten.

Don't get frustrated when she just doesn't "get" something. She will eventually.

She will actually be easier to parent than you imagined.

You will make a lot of amazing friends because of her.

The only time you'll feel frustrated is when your expectations are too high.

Learn to adjust.

Don't expect her to fit into a certain box. Allow her to create her own.

She is exactly the person that God created her to be.

Embrace this calling for what it is. A privilege.
She's one of God's most valiant spirits.

You will absolutely beam with pride when she finally learns things

that were easy for your other kids to learn.

Having her will strengthen your marriage.

You'll be humbled more than once when she does embarrassing things. But just go with it. It's all meant to grow you into the person that God intends for you to be.

You're actually going to love her so much that you'll decide to follow your gut and do it all again.

March 21 is World Down Syndrome Day. We live in a society that aborts over 90% of fetuses who are given a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I wish I could talk to each one of the mammas out there who find out their baby has DS. I would tell them all those things, and more! There is something amazing about having a family member with an extra 21st chromosome. I call it the best-kept secret in the world.

Not Worth the Trouble?

I was staring at this picture of Hazel the other day, and I felt so much gratitude that we were led to her. When I look at her, I see my daughter. I just want to go scoop her up and bring her home right now. :( She looks a lot like our almost-3-year-old son in this picture, I think. This was probably taken a year ago, during the winter. It's so different from the new one where she's so blonde--obviously taken in the summertime.

Something that made me sad today: I found a website that lists all the orphans in Hazel's city. It's meant for people in her country to look at, so that they can see all the orphan's little faces. It has really nice, professional pictures of each child, with a little information about him or her, in hopes that a family there will want to step forward to adopt.

What made me sad is that I looked through all the pages, and looked and looked, and never saw Hazel. Or any other child with visible special needs, for that matter. They don't even bother trying to find families for them. I just want to cry when I think of this.  It's like they aren't worth the trouble or something. Without international adoption, most of the children that aren't "perfect" will never know anything besides an institution their entire lives. It's just so sad. If only their birth parents knew what they were missing out on.

Thank you to those who have contributed to Hazel's adoption fund so far!! You are so wonderful...all of you!! Just for your info, I've removed the Chip-in Widget. I found out that the money donated to our FSP is dispersed at the first trip, so we don't need a seperate place to gather the funds like I thought. Please click on Hazel's picture at the top to donate from here on out. THANKS AGAIN!! We're so very grateful to each one of you!

Review: Potty Time DVD

This DVD is AMAZING! It's produced by Two Little Hands, the makers of Signing Time. Enough said, right?

The animation is colorful and the tunes are catchy and fun! My two year old loves it. He's not quite ready for the toilet, but this DVD is getting him there. I wish this was out 15 years ago so that I had it to use for all of my children. As I was watching the DVD, I kept thinking, “How did I not think to say it that way?” The way they explain everything is simple. Rachel tells the little viewer that he's growing and part of that of growing, is of course, learning to use the potty. It’s natural! She even addresses accidents in a positive, natural way. She explains that accidents happen. Oops! Next time, you need to pay attention to your body more, and you'll do fine.

In addition to teaching children about listening to their bodies, Rachel teaches about stopping what they are doing to go to the bathroom, celebrating their successes, dealing with accidents in a positive way, and appreciating their amazing bodies. Of course, this video has the added bonus of using American Sign Language in connection with the lessons taught. The multisensory approach helps children with all sorts of learning differences. If you have a child who isn't communicating verbally, what better way to teach them about going potty, than through signs, like "potty," "wipe," "flush" and "wash." (Oh no, now I've got the song stuck in my head. hee hee.) She also teaches signs that go along with the lessons, like "grow," "Stop!" (As in stop what you're doing and run to the potty!) and "amazing" (as in my body is amazing!)

My Anya who is six and has DS, is fully potty trained, but the animation and the songs are so catchy that she loves watching “Potty Time” with her little brother. Since she's a visual learner, this DVD has helped reinforce the importance of the things that go along with pottying. Like flushing, wiping and washing her hands (three things she doesn't usually do without my supervision.) I love that I can quickly show her one of the signs and she goes, "oh yeah!" I cannot recommend this DVD enough to anyone with a small child! It's got to be the best potty training DVD out there!

Progress!

I'm excited for tomorrow! Our homestudy will be notarized and sent off to our placing agency. Also, Jeremy and I are going to go notarize all our our registration documents and send them off to the agency, so they should receive everything at about the same time. Once they receive everything, they will send them off to be apostilled at our State Lieutenant Governor's office.  As soon as the agency receives all the authenticated documents, they will send them to Eastern Europe! 

From there, this is what will happen: The agency's coordinator there translates everything, then submits it to the Department of Education. At that point, they will give us our official referral. Then when we accept it, we'll have our first travel date!  So a lot will happen in the next month. It's exciting that things are moving forward. Every week will bring us a little closer to Hazel. It's hard to be patient..wish we could fast-forward everything!

I'm Speechless!

I opened the mail this morning to find a check for $1000 to help with Hazel's adoption fund!  What touches me so much is that this sweet couple is also adopting. They have had so much help with their fundraising efforts that they wanted to pay the blessing forward. I'm just in awe at their faith.  We can't even express our love and gratitude. This will help greatly with our agency fee that will be due this week. This was the best Valentines Day gift ever!! Thank you, THANK YOU!!!

Dollars and Sense

A lot of people think that adopting from a foreign country is like "buying" a child. I don't know how anyone who knows the facts can think that way, though. People just don't understand where all the money goes.

First off, the only money that goes to the country itself is what you spend staying in their hotels, eating at their restaurants and riding on their trains. The rest of the money is a combination of agency fees, paperwork authenticating fees (paid to your state) background check fees, U.S. government approval fees, medical exams, airfare, visas, etc etc. The reason that Hazel's country is one of the most expensive countries from which to adopt is because their requirements are stiff, and one of those requirements is that you have to travel there three times. If you happen to have your waiting period waived after court, you would only have two trips, but that's very rare.

$30,000 to $40,000 is a lot of money for the average person to come up with. That's the main reason why adoptions from this country have dwindled more and more, as the requirements have increased. It doesn't make sense that all of these children sit in orphanages and institutions because of it. But it is what it is.

We feel like there's no better way to spend our money than to provide a stable, happy family for a child who would in no other way have it.  Therefore, we are digging in every way we can dig to do as much of this on our own as possible.  Unfortunately, there's only so much digging we can do, so we're going to have to raise at least $15,000.  We're putting our heads together to come up with some good fundraisers we can do to help with that.

Every time I think of how our friends (some we have never met) came together for Anya, I feel so humbled.  But it helps me to realize that it's not all about us. It's about these kids, and they are so worth it! Anya is absolutely thriving. I can't even bear to think of her back in that orphanage. She would be headed to the institution this year.  It's truly amazing what love can do for a child. Please know that your money is sacred to us and that we will do our very best to make sure that Hazel's life in our family is happy and fulfilling.  Thank you!

Beautiful “Wednesday”

This little treasure was recently added to Reece’s Rainbow. 

She lives in the same country that Hazel lives in.

Can you believe she’s nine years old and is still hidden away?
She is sooo sweet. Look at that face.

It’s so sad that the older kids have so little hope for a family.
I just have to share her picture. Maybe someone will give her a chance.